blog

First of all, I've learned that school is actually very difficult! It's hard to maintain the vigor of of youth after you start working and fall into monotony, so going back to school feels like getting kicked down a flight of stairs. But, there a lot of fun things that you can only do when you're in college. As busy as I was, I still mostly looked forward to every week of the last two(ish) years not only because I'd be one assignment lighter (hopefully) but also because I'd get to hang out with my friends. There aren't many times in your life where you get to be surrounded by a bunch of people with similar enough life experiences that we've all found ourselves working toward the same goal, but different enough life experiences that you learn so much just by being with them. Classes are just one aspect of higher education, they're just there to stir your curiosity and give you the opportunity to explore ideas that no employer is ever going to pay for. This is especially the case with grad school, which has far fewer rote memorization tests.

Well, I'd do it all over again but I think I am certainly done with school forever this time. But closing that one hole in my heart was certainly at the risk of opening up another. My friends aren't dead but they feel so distant already! I wrote them letters, and included a smaller note for them to open a year from now too. If they keep the letter and remember to open it I'll be very happy, but if they've already moved on with their life so quickly, I'll be very sad!

Also, in an effort to preserve my last precious memories of my time as a student, I picked up an Instax Mini Evo after thinking over it for many months. This is by far the most excited I have ever been about technology in at least the last five or six years. I love my new toy so much!! Instant cameras are already so fun to use, but newer Instax mini don't let you adjust the settings and with how expensive film is, it can quickly become a money sink with how many duds you end up shooting. So the most exciting thing is that you can choose which photos you print, and because it takes microSD, you can basically print anything you want on Instax film, as long as the file has the relevant metadata.

The sensors are also much improved from the mini 11. There isn't a way to directly change the exposure as you could in older mini models, but you can adjust the brightness of the print and other settings. The various lens effects are also fun. The companion app is completely optional (unnecessary, even) and this can all be done from the camera. I'm hoping even if life becomes more boring, I'll still get lots of use out of it!

Anyway now that I'm a NEET I'm looking forward to lots of dolltime! I have some sewing projects I had to leave half-finished while I wrapped up my schoolwork so I'm especially excited about that. It might be a little too humid for faceups already, but I want to make time for those again as well. It's probably been almost a year since my last one, but I'll give it my best effort!

One of the databases our team was referencing for our final project was wiped of any mention of women, racial minorities, and veterans. We're not conducting any experiments, so this hurdle luckily isn't that tall. But I don't think all of my peers are as fortunate. And the incoming generation certainly won't be. And to who's benefit? Private entities who only want to rescue once-public databases so they can get richer by charging exhorbitant prices for data that citizens have already paid for with our tax dollars!?!

I would think that the average person can understand the value of expanding practical human knowledge. And actually as it turns out, most people, even anti-vaxxers, do overwhelmingly trust what they believe to be scientific research. Well, numbers are typically seen as more valid and free of bias, and regular people and scientists alike will do fun, misinformative things with them without necessarily lying. They don't always even mean to! As powerful as peer review is, even good work in well-respected journals sometimes has to be retracted because the researchers misinterpret their own data. But that's part of the reason why research is so important, even for social and behavioral sciences. You should go into your own assumptions with a healthy dose of skepticism regardless of the topic matter. But if your information is inhibited and censored without good reason, then any conclusions will have to be similarly limited if not completely useless.

It's like every day I oscilate between I have to do something!!! and there is nothing I can do!!! Eggs are $9, my hair is literally going grey, and all my socks are full of holes.

But other than my sock situation, things are actually pretty OK for me when I can pry myself away from my thoughts. Schoolwise, I don't know if the light at the end of the tunnel is an open sky or an oncoming train, but I do like to think it's the former. And now that it's Spring, I enjoy going on walks and seeing the fat bees pollinate the flowers that have started to bloom. I think I'm falling for the Dubai chocolate trend. I've not had it authentically or in the form of chocolate bar yet, in fact I've only had it as a flavor of thing, only once, but I fully understand the appeal. Matcha had its moment to spin off cheap, but passable, imitators. I'm hoping the same happens for Dubai chocolate because I can't see myself paying the imported pistachio tax often enough to really enjoy a food trend while it's still trendy and I really want to enjoy a trend while it's trendy! I want to be sick and tired of it!

I'm also enjoying fiddling with my website on nights I don't want to go to sleep quite yet. Yeah I like just changing the colors slightly and half-finishing assets instead of making new pages and fixing broken ones!!! I'll get around to doing everything I want to do eventually, maybe!

I don't think I'll write a full review but I recently read A Perfect Day to be Alone by Nanae Aoyama, a short read but one I really appreciated. The protagonist is just so unlikeable and immature, but it all leads up to the moment her brain fully develops and she starts acting like an adult and gets her life together. It's a really nice glimpse back into the awkward, bumbling years of very early adulthood where you're really not sure what you're doing, but you don't want anyone else to notice or say anything about it (but they do because it's really obvious). It's also a nice reminder that no one is going to get your shit together for you. I recommend it!

Actually I would like to make a general media page (yes very groundbreaking yes I know) for my one-sentence opinions. But I also sometimes think, are my opinions on things ever actually so brief? If they are then it must be because my time was so wasted I wasn't even given the opportunity to properly dislike it. I hope I don't have enough of these experiences to warrant a Media That Wasted My Time page, but it's currently on my list of Things I Want to Do, Eventually, Maybe.

Lastly, on the topic of website things, I'm very excited about the sidebar clock. It's been a slight obsession for quite a while now to come up with a way to also indicate the time of day. I had lots of designs in mind but I kept overlooking the most basic and straightforward. As usual, simple is best! The sun and moon will rise and set according to your local hour. Isn't that fun?! I'm glad if nothing else I found time to make one dream come true :)

First, secret santa! We all made wishlists of course, but I didn't really want anything so I made a list of fetch quests instead. I tried my best to come up with inconvenient chores, but in short I asked for a cool rock, a handmade item from a local artist, a food-stained t-shirt, a sentimental item more than 15 years old, and a library book with a love letter or airplane ticket left inside. There were more detailed instructions and I also asked for a photo for proof, because I knew they'd try to find loopholes to make it less of an annoyance. But my santa complied beautifully and give me a the most ergonomic rock I've ever held, and oolong tea he got from Taiwan. It's so good! I'm struggling between drinking it all in one day or saving it for special occasions. I really hope there's an easier way to get more than flying across the globe!

For my birthday, me and my friends just wasted time in the city window-shopping. We also went to a vegetarian restaurant, and even though I'm the only meat hater, they all ate their veggies with me! Our waitress asked us why we were so quiet for a birthday party, but the truth is we were getting yelled at and accosted all day. So easy to get picked on when you're a large group of approachable individuals... But it didn't ruin the day for me because the encounters were brief and just something you get used to in an urban environment. But once again I will reiterate that I'm ready to leave this horrid place.

For birthday gifts, my friends actually did my entire list of fetch quests and I was very touched! Well, they couldn't find a love note in a library book so instead I received The Complete Book of Cat Names with a birthday card in it. Cute, right?! It sounded like they had fun completing all of the tasks, which was my goal.

I also got more Instax film because I love taking photos on our outings, and a set of Pentel Mattenhop. I think these are my favorite photo pens, second only to pastel Sakura Decorese, mostly for the colors. I think this line was discontinued at some point, which is a real shame. But I like the Mattenhops because they dry fast! No more leaving my journal open for hours only to accidentally smudge the pen anyway! I hope they come out with a pastel line!

I also received some wonderful art from Arachne, Mima and hat, which is uploaded here. Thank you again!!!

Overall, things are going well for me for the time being! I've been a DAD participant lately, and it's nice to have an excuse to draw. Or rather, time set aside for a daily activity. I don't know how long I'll keep it up since I'm only a little over a week in, but I would like to get better at drawing. About 6 or 7 years ago, I didn't want to draw anymore. I'd only do a quick sketch or doodle every couple of months, angry at myself for not spending more time learning and practicing so I'd be better at art already, which would make me not want to draw! A horrible self perpetuating cycle flanked by the tallest walls of the mind. But now it doesn't matter if I wake up and decide I don't want to draw today! because I have to so I'm going to. Who knew a countdown clock works just as well as a gun to my head!

No but I actually really enjoy going on an journey of self improvement with my friends even though I fully intended on putting it off until I had the proper time for it. It was actually really easy to just make time for it, and I wish I started a little sooner. I think all my most worthwhile decisions have been ones made belatedly though lol

Lastly, I've been tinkering around with the website layout (again) (as I always do) because I want it to be lots of things and because it's fun. It's kind of almost sort of half-finished but we'll see where I end up leaving it.

I can't remember if I've explicitly mentioned it yet but I'm using Midori's 3-year journal this year, alongside the hibino, as a replacement for Hobonichi's 5-year since they didn't really address their paper problems in a way that I thought was very satisfactory. It ended up being a good choice for me. Since the 3-year's daily sections are much smaller, I've had to condense the day into just a sentence or two. But combined with the one-day two-page hibino, it's very easy for me to write as much as I want and not feel redundant keeping a memory that's easy to revisit the next year, or the year after that. I never had quite enough space to write in Hobonichi's 5-year, even though I wanted to keep it short, so I think I'm done mourning Hobonichi and I'll use the same system I've settled on this year moving forward.

That's not to say I didn't enjoy the last five years with my Hobonichi! After writing my final entry in my 5-year, I went through the older entries. They were full of lots of highlighs, moments I'll truly cherish for ever. Of course there were quite a few sad or frustrating memories, but these were vastly outnumbered even if it definitely didn't feel like it in the moment. Despite some setbacks, I can pinpoint where a new chapter of my life really started. And I made many new friends, deepend some friendships I already had, gained some purpose and meaning. None of it were things I could've predicted five years ago, so I'm really glad that I gave myself the challenge of completing the journal. Well actually I do have to admit I missed two days but Hobonichi means almost everyday, so I think I used it perfectly.

Going through it, I thought I'd get more emotional than I did. But I only felt proud and accomplished! Didn't shed a single tear! I'm really looking forward to completing my next two journals, especially because I'm graduating again this year. I hope it's the last time. I never want to go to school again, I've had my fill of education and I'm done.

As for website plans, well as always I have a handful of page ideas I'd like to get to that are going to jump the line above ones that have been half-finished for years. Will I ever properly upload my OCs? I have gay married my dolls and so you'd think I'd be well above any sense of shame when it comes to that sort of thing. We will have to wait and see how true that is. Other than that there is no point in listing out any priorities because it changes daily. But I'm constantly working on zucchini things instead of more practical professional profolio things as my brain keeps insisting. My heart just wants to reorganize dollfoto. If only my future employer understood the importance of these matters.

three journals (one just a refill), a pouch, a long jacket, and The Age of Data

Pink Velvet Cake also arrived close enough to count. I got some art this year as well! Also, my friends arranged to do our secret santa after we return from winter break since the end of the semester became way too hectic to arrange anything. So the gift exchanging season will continue just a little longer, but I'm already very pleased!

Instead of giving my mom clothes again this year, I decided to get her a Protonmail account. She really likes it so far, but it was an easy sell since someone in her social circle has gotten her on all of the alt social medias, excluding maybe only Mastodon. I don't know what business she has on Substack but I'll allow any wedge between her and F*cebook. She's stopped following politics after the election so now I get updates about all of the things that will give me cancer. Spatulas and stevia are the latest additions to the list.

I told myself I'd work on my professional portfolio so I can throw myself back into the job market properly, but I really just don't want to. I don't feel like it. I'd rather sit around and pick my nose. It's kind of weird to say I've finally been able to catch up on...relaxing? But I'm taking full advantage of my short time off. So here are a few thoughts of media I've enjoyed recently. I read We'll Prescribe You a Cat by Syou Ishida on my flight back home and it was such a feel-good light read, the perfect amount of magical realism for my tastes. I really enjoyed it, and I don't really have enough thoughts or criticisms for a longer review, but I highly recommend it. You can tell that Ishida really loves cats, she did a wonderful job conveying their personalities, quirks and charms. My biggest complaint is that there's a certain cadence to the writing that's a little distracting, but something I've come to expect from English translations of Japanese novels as I've encountered it just about every time.

Bloody Game 3 is also currently airing. Up until about episode 7 it has a lot of the same issues as season 2, but even more disjointed and chaotic because of the size of the cast. But after that it gets really fun again, beating out season 1 for gameplay in my opinion. The format just works better when everyone is in the same location and the unfortunate situation that caused it seems to have actually been a blessing so far. For season 4, I hope the fake outs and twists are a little better thought out since they only deliver when the cast is caught unaware.

Other than that, in preparation for New Journal Day, now that my Midori Hibino is unwrapped and on my desk instead of under a tree, I've been working on drafting a pattern for a cover. Standard Hobonichi covers don't fit at all, and the 5-year covers aren't exactly ideal either, but I have to have some pockets and a closure for a journal this girthy! I plan on documenting all of this, mostly at Rio's request from when I mentioned it a few weeks back (I didn't forget!).

You know, I really thought I'd be too burnt out after advent calendar to ever update this website ever again, but if anything, it felt like a warm-up. If I can dollfoto every day for almost a month, what can't I do!? This will be the last diary though. See you in January!