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After my longest gap in employment ever, I recently started a new job and it's very stressful. I'm given too many things to do, some of which I've never done before, with minimal guidance from someone who absolutely does not want to be in a managerial role, and I'm trying so hard not to fuck up that I end up making stupid mistakes anyway. On top of family chaos, I think I'm trying to cope with too much all at once right now. Quite frequently I find myself nearly bursting into tears over anything but the things that are actually upsetting me. It will not get better, so all I can do is endure. But I'm doing my best to stay positive! I am employed, and no one has died yet. I might not really know what I'm doing with my time on this planet, but it leaves me open to opportunity and possibility and I think that's a good thing. So, on to the things that have been going well!

First, I think I will brag about my best purchases in the last few months. Since buying from overseas will remain increasingly cost prohibitive for the foreseable future, I did a small Surugaya order because books are not impacted by tariffs and free shipping is not impacted by fuel costs.

Of this haul, the most exciting is すず屋さん's pose books, which Amy introduced me to a while back. They're specifically for BL artists, but he's entirely solo. I like Fake It more than Licht, it's a bit more artistic and tasteful. However, Licht has more semi-nude shots and a wider variety of scenarios. Though, a couple of the full page spreads are blurry or low quality. I've used them quite a bit for basic figure studies already, but despite my low output, I'm a bit burnt out, and feeling a bit creatively constipated anyway, so I'll revisit the more difficult poses in the future.

And most most exciting is the arrival of my Herz bag, which I purchased shortly after hat's review. It took about six weeks to get to me. I'd been eyeing it for at least a couple of years, so I was glad to have some confidence in buying it. It was so worth the wait, I love it so much! It's so cute and pretty, and I also got むらさきいろ strap covers, which were part of the online store's limited collection back in September. These were purchased secondhand, and it was lucky that there were two of the same size. I originally thought I'd buy the bag in green, but the dye lots are too unpredictable and I wouldn't be happy with a sickly yellow-green. So I went with brown and I'm very I'm glad I did! I think the strap covers match better too.　I haven't taken it out much yet, but after it gets some use, I'll do a full review as well.

It's been a year since I've graduated now, and I prepared some gifts for my friends. I wanted to do something special for our first anniversary, and involved something they told me they wanted to try or accomplish. They were all very simple tasks, but all things I knew they could do, and it was an easy way to force them to give me a life update in the case we'd stopped keeping in touch. Well, it has been a year and though I still talk to most of them regularly, half of them went on vacation and forgot to bring their envelope with them, so they couldn't open it on time. In fact, I'm still waiting on a couple. Despite teasing that I'd I let them choose their own gifts from the ones I had prepared first-come-first-serve, they're taking their time! I really stressed about finishing it on time due to procrastinating my own self-imposed deadlines, but as of time of writing, this mini usakumya has not even been claimed yet. The sentimental gifts were claimed first, so I don't feel unappreciated, but it would do me some good to stop expecting the whole group to match my energy! Mini kumya turned out cute and will go home with someone regardless.

Her charm point is looking frazzled.
I think I will swap bear ears for bunny ears after all.

Speaking of, when I've found time for it, I've been steadily improving my medium size bear pattern. I'm still working on my 3rd full prototype, and while I've already found a few areas to tweak or improve, I'm excited for the results. It should be just the right size for QLYIsland clothes. The issue right now is the head!! I'm having a hard time bringing my vision to life but if I keep working at it, maybe some day it will turn out cute.

decapbeartation

I finished sewing my classic usakumya! This was a really challenging project. Basic plush toys are simple enough but there's an extra level of complexity with large articulated teddy bears and I'm not sure what part I spent the most time on... It was good supplemental learning to my recent teddy bear studies. Modern bears are made differently, and I've never handled an antique bear before, but I really wanted to try some of the methods without deviating from the original usakumya's design too much.

But I did make a few changes. I wanted to emphasize the bear features more, so I added bear ears and shaved down the muzzle. I think it probably would have been better to just trim it a little instead, but the backing fabric is a good match. I also modified the arms for front paw pads. But other than those things, and the bonnet, I was pretty faithful to the original pattern.

The bonnet did not work out at all...

As for traditional bear making methods I incorporated, the eyes are glass and sewn in (I swapped blue for a larger black pair later), which stopped being commonplace after standards for children's toys became more strict. The joints are made with washers and cotter pins, except for the neck, which is a nut and bolt. I could have sized up on the leg joints but the original usakumya's legs looked a little loose to me in the few photos I could find, so I decided to try to mimic that. Might be a little too loose, but not too difficult of a fix if I decide to later on.

Lastly, I used a mix of cotton batting and kapok to stuff! Kapok used to be a common stuffing for bears, but fell out of favor for polyfill, which is much lighter, bouncier and less of an irritant. It's still a bit of a shame though, because it's so soft, and very fun to play with. Apparently it's quite sustainable too as it doesn't need any pesticides to grow. It's also naturally resistant to mold and pests. But it's much heavier, and more expensive than polyfill. And less “clean”, which was a big concern for children's toys. So I understand why it fell out of usage. But I've come to really appreciate it as a fiber so I think I'd like to keep using it.

Anyway, for kumya, there are a few more pattern modifications I think I'd like to try, but I think I'll do a full writeup about that later after giving it another go. For now I'm mostly happy with the end result, and I learned a lot. The only thing I want to redo entirely is the bonnet, which needs to be about 10% bigger to accomodate the ears!

Also, teddies are hard to name so I outsourced it to my friends and they decided on Francine. They love old lady names. I gave Francine a “heart”, a small rock that one of them picked up on a trip to Australia. I really wanted to use a different, bigger rock but...Francine is already quite heavy. But I really love hiding small things in my toys so there needed to be something. I still have some teeth leftover so maybe next bear will get a tooth.

I also made a cover for this year's journal. It's a little different than the design I originally planned, but my own indecision about how I wanted to go about it was making me impatient, so I tried something else entirely. It's a simple design, just an ice cream. I've been looking at lots of handmade covers lately so I wanted mine to look very “handmade” too. Well, it is handmade! I also simplified my pattern from last year, which ended up being a good idea...except for that I messed up the measurements! I used scrap fabric, and I had a piece that I eyeballed to be about the right size. I'm thinking now that it was scraps because I cut it to the wrong size before and just forgot. So the cover ended up being a little too short. Quite a rookie mistake...

But I didn't have to waste the work I already put in! Ladder stitching the edge left just enough space. That was the least annoying way to make it work, I think. I'll probably make another cover at some point anyway.

No pockets this year! Buckle closure is also a pen holder

I do wish I added a bookmark though!

Anyway... on to the next project!

Omake

First things first, my Christmas haul!

That's it?!

I asked for nothing this year. Since I just moved the last thing I want is more stuff. I'm desperately trying to downsize. But I did really want the pink Evo, which is a much cuter color than the limited hot pink one and I'm glad I refused to get scalped trying to get it. The journal is of coure this year's journal! I'm trying the new Hibino color though of course it will be covered by my own cover! I haven't finished it yet, since I was second guessing my initial design choices. I've also been preoccupied with other sewing. Also, the book was given to me by my grandma (and a little money). It seems like she's telling me to give up on longterm gainful employment.

Anyway, how was my 2025 overall? Well, I feel like last year was such a rollercoaster for me. Had a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I'm glad I was able to have some experiences and accomplishments, but I'm a little apprehensive about the future. I write notes in my journal for a future me at the end/beginning of the year, and last year's says something like “Please tell me grad school was worth it!” and I don't know how to answer myself yet! But recently one of my friends I reconnected with over the holidays said she's looking into getting into a similar program as I was in herself and asked for advice about choosing one. Well, sometimes you just have to leave things up to chance! Spin a wheel or flip a coin or something. Hard work doesn't always pay off, but no work is guaranteed not to get you anywhere right...

So anyway I do have a few goals for 2026. For website stuff, the layout I had in mind isn't entirely finished to match my imagination but I'll chip away at it as I feel like it. Since I like making my own assets it gets a little daunting sometimes. But if I keep it simple I can change things up whenever I want and only break a couple of pages, some of the time. I want to be “done” with this latest refresh in a month or so. We'll see.

And as I mentioned I've been enjoying lots of sewing! I started working with mohair after getting into teddy making. I really enjoy it, even though it's definitely hard on my machine and it's difficult to match seams. I've been told I have a wool allergy but I get rebellious and test it out every once in a while. This is one of those times. But since it's only resting on my palms for short periods of time I've been able to avoid a rash. And since it's the weather for it, it's hard to tell if congestion is from the cold or the material. I really hate working with faux fur but if it really becomes an issue I guess I'll go back to viscose, which is cheaper and a little easier to work with anyway.

But before I give up on my dreams of mohair teddies forever, I've been working furiously on an usakumya that I mentioned in the last advent calendar. Actually the pattern is mostly straightforward without instructions but I messed up on the bonnet a little. I wanted to make mine removeable (for a true usakumya), but in the original pattern, the bonnet is sewn on and there are no bear ears underneath. As such, the bonnet isn't lined and the edge facing the front of head isn't hemmed, so the seam allowance can be trimmed. Or that's what I assume. In any case I should have accounted for this when putting mine together, but I didn't, so I did my best to match lengths and reduced the seam allowance. It's a different shape now but I think it's not too bad. This is basically a project that allows no do overs anyway. I have no leftover fabric!

But basically all of the pieces are finished and ready for stuffing now. After I finish usakumya I have some projects, mostly clothing, I've been putting off. I have some pockets to add and sleeves to modify. And a light jacket I've yet to complete even though all the pieces are cut and ready to go. But I think I work better when I just take one thing at a time sequentially. So after all of those are out the way, maybe I'll pick up teddies again.

First, I made a cover for my e-reader! It's something I've been wanting to do for a really long time. It's one of those projects you can surely do in an afternoon but spending longer than that feels silly, so it's better to set aside a chunk of time and do it all at once.

I got the fabric at this year's cherry blossom festival.

Just as an aside, even for Novala Takemoto, Emily is...very strange.

I originally planned on using velcro instead of straps just because there's really not much space for them, but they actually hold the e-reader just fine! It doesn't slip around at alll, and it's perfectly secure when the cover is closed. The only downside is that it doesn't automatically turn the screen “off” when it's closed like the official covers do. But I'm not sure where the sensor is, or even what kind of sensor it is. I didn't think about it much when designing the cover, but it did make me curious. I haven't done any further testing though!

My second project was the one that made me start quilting squares to begin with, a larger shoulder bag than the last one I made. Well, I got really into the ribbon theme and I wanted the shoulder strap to also be a ribbon, and after considering some other details here and there, I decided I better just make my own pattern and start over.

It is indeed slightly bigger, so...mission accomplished!

Two front pockets, one inner pocket with three sections! FIVE POCKETS! I can hold my entire life!!

I was inspired by an old PINK HOUSE backpack design! It ended up being kind of complicated, but I took good notes this time, I think I'll want to revisit it. I think using heavier fabric for the outside and inside and batting made it too thick all over, especially for some of the details I wanted to do. The pleated pockets on the front, for example, are not very elegant! And some of the seams are honestly a little sloppy but after working on it on-and-off for like a month and a half, it is time to just be done. I decided not to top stitch the opening for the time being, because I might have to invert it again to secure the shoulder strap a little better. Though I'm a little tempted to just stitch it on again through the lining. We'll see how it holds up for now. But I'm quite happy with the design. The BIG RIBBON is terribly goofy, it was a good idea.

Lastly, one of my friends and I both have a copy of the official Stardew Valley cookbook. So after we got together to do a few of the recipes together a few weeks ago, we've decided that we're both going to try to do every recipe in the book. It's quite a task since pretty much every recipe I've tried so far is quite lengthy, some with multiple “let it rest” steps. Even excluding cake decorating, I think the hardest and most time consuming so far is Pink Cake.

My mom liked it too much so I'm not allowed to make it again.

Earlier today I tried Bread and Bruschetta. The bread took forever, and by the time I got to the last couple of paragraphs about steam and cans my eyes were glazing over. I ignored these steps. But what my baguettes lacked in shape and physique were accounted for in taste. It's a solid bread recipe!

I also freestyled the bruschetta part.

My friend says the Strange Bun recipe is also quite good, but lobster is a bit more of an investment than I think I'm willing to try right now! The cookbook as a whole is pretty good, but the techniques are described a little inconsistently, and ironically, the more detail are provided, the more confusing it is. Companion videos would have been really helpful for some of the recipes since none of them are quick and easy. But it's pretty faithful to the game's ethos, and hard work and patience are rewarded.

First off, new gets! I visited the stationery store and saw they had a lot of inks on display, so I browsed through the samples a little bit. Wearingeul's I am a Cat had been on my radar for a while, so I left with that and Othello. I took the opportunity to clean my pens! I ended up putting Othello in my Kaweco eyedropper and I am a Cat in my Sailor Profit Jr.! The Kaweco is stained from past dark glitter inks, so it will have to stick with them. Profit Jr. has a smaller capacity, but a fude nib, so the shimmer comes through really beautifully! And I think it really matches the pen. So cute... But now I don't have a pen to match Wearingeul Alice so I think the Profit Jr. will have to alternate between the two.

shimmer ink is difficult to photograph and I'm not going to try again

Also the other day, I got a Christmas gift from hat! She sent me so many cute trinkets! I was really surprised how much was in the small box. It felt endless! Thank you sooo much!

1. three!!! Cherished Teddies
2. a ton of Pokemon cards
3. Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life
4. postcards of Haupia and Marmie!

They're already uploaded here.

5. bread pins

for painbag

6. ceramic earrings
7. three Redwall trading cards
8. crochet strawberries keychain
9. mini camera

It flashes when you press the button!

10. randoseru strap

金閣寺

11. pressed penny
12. design sleeve
13. Paffy-chan cheki
14. really fun OC art by Seirxi
15. foxboy pin

Other items not pictured are honey straws, lip balm, and tea which I put away right away as the box had been out in the heat for a bit ;~; And lastly, most exciting, a jacket and a skirt!! Right now, Haupia and Marmie are wearing them!

Almost every day I've tried to take Haupia out for dollfoto, but it's either threatening to rain or too damn hot. She desperately needs to be restrung anyway, and I'd like to redo her faceup anyway. So maybe the next outdoor shoot will be her big debut. Perhaps later in the summer, when it's hotter and rainier. I hate summer so much!!! Well, I wanted to take photos of them in their new clothes together anyway so I'll have to get it together and do indoor shooting instead. I'm feeling a little uninspired in that regard lately, but I did my best to get at least one decent photo.

For SoS: A Wonderful Life, I had no idea how strongly it inspired Stardew Valley. I mean, in some cases it's literally 1:1. It's not my first Harvest Moon game, I had A New Beginning when I was younger but I remember not liking it very much so I didn't get very far. I'm really not sure why. I really love Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing (pre-NH) so the feeling of “I don't understand what I'm supposed to do” usually is not so offputting to me.

For creative projects, I have a few things I'm steadily working on. One has been cleaning up this site a little. While fixing php errors I also updated up some other scripts, and consolidated some diary entries. There were a couple times were I had more than one entry a day, I don't know why I did that. However I also decided to dismantle some other things in the process and it's just whatever. Honeybear is not supposed to be in the clock.

I've also been having a lot of fun journaling lately! I kept a journal to document my adventures at grad school and I've been making additions to it even now as I've been cleaning out luggage and pockets and finding things like photos or receipts that I'd forgotten or misplaced. It's so much thicker than I thought it would be when I started! I also found what I guess I'd call a junk journal that I started several years ago and forgot about. I pasted in cute packaging and clippings of J-fashion magazines, not any GLB since I wasn't willing to destroy those (and I'm still not), but KERA and I think Spoon. Well, I still have quite a few paper scraps lying around, especially leftovers from my school adventures journal, so they'll make their way into collages slowly too. I want to redo my stationery page eventually and keep a proper catalog of how I've kept my memories over the years.

Lastly, I've decided to make another quilted shoulder bag, a little bigger than the one I made last year. I'm using the same pattern with some modifications. Actually, I tend to place quilting on the same level as paint by numbers, but I found a bunch of patchwork quilt patterns and upon trying to use one I realized I've naively underestimated the degree of precision that's required to construct a square from 30 other shapes.

My second attempt at a ribbon. You don't want to see the first.

I think I will be using quilted details sparringly this time because I only have so much patience, but I hope the end result is cute and worthwhile. I'm trying to use up fabric with prints too big for doll clothes, but I don't have enough to make much else with it. Perhaps anything leftover will become more book covers!!

Omake